Today marks mine and Jessie’s 23rd monthsary and the second anniversary of the day we met. It may not seem like a long time to people who have been in relationships for over five years or decades; but then, there are also a lot of couples who don’t even last a year together. So I consider myself blessed that in spite of all the challenges Jessie and I had and continue to face—the distance and our busy work lives among the biggest—we’re still going strong, hanging on.

It was never easy, and it takes a lot of hard work. Consistently. We both needed to invest time and energy, and we needed to have the maturity to get our hands dirty. That’s what it takes, and yes, it can get tiring.

If you’re at that point where you are getting tired, before you blurt out that you’ve been “taken for granted” and you’ve “given everything you’ve got” to make things work, take a minute to breathe. I’m no relationship expert, but through Swish, I got these tips for making our relationship stronger and more amazing from relationship coach Aileen Santos. I’m sure they’ll help you, too.

1. Try new things together. Aileen says that trying new things together will keep things exciting. “This is where travel and recommendation apps come into play. You find new things to do that you’ll both want to experience together. You get to know each other even more this way.”

2. Grow on your own. If you think a relationship means you’re together 24/7, and there’s no part of each other’s lives you shouldn’t be part of, then that’s a sign you’re getting clingy and desperate. Aileen says, “In a relationship, you have to make sure he’s growing, you’re growing, and the relationship is growing. His growth is his thing, you can’t make him do that. He should be working on his career, learning new things by himself.” The same goes with you—living your own life not only gives you new things to talk about, but it makes you far more interesting, making you level up.

3. Set mini goals as a couple. And these goals don’t necessarily mean “marriage” or “engagement.” Aileen says that goals should be more experiential, goals that connect you together as a couple in small ways. “Some shared goals can be simple like setting aside money for your dates or making your plans for next month. They can also be more ambitious, like saving up for a joint vacation or a concert you want to watch together. It can even be a shared challenge, like finding gifts for each other’s family members. It’s those strings connecting you with each other that make your relationship better.”

4. Be comfy, but don’t slack off. Sure, you’ve marked too many monthsaries to count (or maybe you can still count them, like ours!), and you’ve celebrated quite a number of anniversaries, too (praying for our second next month!). But, continue to make the extra effort to make each other feel special. Dress up and look good—keep your hair in place, spritz on that scent he loves on you, keep your breath fresh for that constant kiss (Swish breath spray is my must-have for that pump of freshness for these lovey-dovey moments). Not only will looking good make you feel good about yourself, it also helps you value yourself in the context of your relationship. You’re a catch after all! Note: It works both ways, too. Your man should look the part of a man who truly deserves the hottie that you are!

5. Be precise about what you want. It’s not enough to tell your man, “You have to make more effort!” and just leave it at that. Guys do better when you’re more specific. Aileen suggests you can even plan a date for you guys or just give him ideas. “Newsflash: They cannot read your mind. Tell him something like, ‘Hey I miss it when you used to do this, can you plan our date to be something about this next time?’ And when he does do that, be appreciative about it.”

6. Say it: It’s not always about you. When he’s all busy and unavailable, don’t jump to conclusions right away and think that he isn’t into you anymore. Aileen states, “Super lesson for girls: Whatever his moods are, 80% of the time, it’s not about you. Hindi ba pwedeng busy lang? Please let go of the drama. Let him have a life. And ultimate reminder: Have your own life, too.”

I’m quite sure Jessie would be pleased to read these tips, too—that I’m learning these tips, haha. These can help level up our relationship, too. So yes, my love, this may be a branded article, but I’m still doing this for you. Happy 23rd Monthsary, Baby. I get it. 😉

All photos taken at Taal Vista Hotel in Tagaytay